At some pint in my early 30s, someone asked if I was interested in having kids. When my answer was ‘possibly,’ their reply was: 

“Well, you better hurry up! You’ve not got much time left!”

1. The cheek of it!

2. **** off

3. (after calm breathing) – why? Is there an ‘ideal’ time to do this baby malarkey? 

When I was at school, a few girls got pregnant and had babies before the year 11 prom. Looking back, there was a lot of judgement and a lot of warnings about, to put it simply, not copying! (Like we all copied Adidas poppers, white Kappa jackets, and those ridiculous trousers with mini-skirts built in over the top from someone!).

More recently, a few friends of mine have had babies towards the end of their thirties, and into their forties. I’ve been surprised at how quickly after my ‘congratulations’ have been offered the conversation has turned to all the down-sides of having a baby at this age, and at the conviction with which people believe having a baby at this age is less preferable.

So this begs the question – when is the right age to have a baby? Who, out there among us, got it just right? Who got pregnant and had a baby without a single person commenting on their age and how that might be either a good or a bad thing?! Anyone??

Myth busing

There’s a lot of noise out there about age and pregnancy, and while it’s true that having a baby will feel different depending on where you’re at, there are so many myths floating around that simply don’t serve you or your beautiful journey to meeting your baby.

So let’s bust two of those myths right now:

❌ Myth #1: “It’s risky to have a baby if you’re older.”

✅ Truth:  

The stats for ‘older mums’ don’t tell the full story. If you look at the ‘over 40s’ stat for something unwanted, like poor outcome for baby/mum, you’ll see an increased risk. But does that mean your risk is increased? The longer we live, the more likely we are to get some sort of health condition. So, in any ‘over 40s’ sample group of women, you’ll find more health conditions than in a random sample of under 40s. Looking specifically at pregnant women, you’ll also find more IVF pregnancies in the over 40s group… which means you’ll find more twins/multiple pregnancies in that group, too. So when you see that the over 40s group had a higher risk of X, ask yourself, am I typical of this large sample group? Do I have a health condition? Am I carrying twins? Do I think my risk of X is this much bigger just because of my age alone? On my hypnobirthing courses we look at evidence like this and then I encourage you to ‘get personal’ – ask questions like ‘so is there any indication that I am at risk of X?’ (this goes for all stats – not just age related ones!) 

If you’re interested in reading up on this further, I would suggest starting here on Dr Sara Whickham’s website.

❌ Myth #2: “You’ll be too tired to cope.”

✅ Truth:

Guess what? Every mum gets tired! Whether you’re 22 or 42, it’s pretty tiring being a mum. But you know what else, it’s energising, too. Personally, I think I am probably fitter and certainly less sloth-like than 10 years ago when I had the freedom to sit around all day Sunday, watching the Hollyoaks omnibus, nursing a hangover. These kids of mine have done wonders for my step-count (if I had a step counter thingy- I don’t!) My dad had (more) babies in his 50s- he’s now 77, and has only fairly recently been beaten by his 26 year old son at tennis. (I should fact-check this so as not to cause a family dispute – but I am fairly certain none of them read my blogs!) I do realise men are a bit different to women, but I think the point stands! If you’re worried about not having enough energy for a toddler run-around, maybe your kids will actually give you that energy. 

❌ Myth #3: “You’re too young; you won’t know what you’re doing.”

✅ Truth:  

Well, yeah, you won’t know what you’re doing…but nobody else does either! Whether you’re 16 or 40, motherhood is a pretty amazing, wild, crazy, life-changing adventure. You won’t have a clue what you’re doing. But you’ll learn! 

I didn’t keep in touch with any of the young women to had their babies while I was still experimenting with ironing my hair (like J-Lo), but I have since met a lot of women who had their babies ‘young’ and let me tell you, they are really impressive people. They have interesting careers, they’re fun, they have raised amazing kids (like, seriously amazing!) and they could go on a gap year aged 45 of they want to!

The best age to have a baby is…

Here’s the honest truth: there’s no such thing as the perfect age. Really. 

Some people start early, some later. Some have been trying for years. Others are surprised by how quickly it all happened. There’s no “ideal” time. Life is rarely that tidy—and babies have a funny way of arriving exactly when they’re meant to.

What matters most, no matter how many candles are on your cake, is that you get a delicious piece of cake to eat… wait I mean… is that you are excited to have your baby!

Need some help getting excited to give birth?

When you attend one of my hypnobirthing courses I will meet you exactly where you are, and help you get to a point where you’re feeling confident, empowered, and excited about giving birth!

I will help you understand all the ‘noise’ around your pregnancy – too old/ too young/ too risky… whatever it is, let’s address it head on, learn the facts (usually incredibly reassuring btw!) and prepare accordingly!

Check out my hypnobirthing courses here!