Have you already decided you’ll be having a caesarean birth? Or, are you contemplating it as an option and wanting to know more about it? Either way, this blog will tell you what sort of things you can do to make your caesarean birth really special.

Many people assume that once the decision has been made to have a caesarean, you sort of ‘hand over’ the birth to the doctors and do what you’re told. But that simply isn’t true! This blog explains how to work with your caregivers to plan a really beautiful caesarean birth that you can look back on and feel amazing about.

As I haven’t experienced an elective caesarean myself, I asked my friends to tell me all about theirs! From reading their stories, and from my own experience as a hypnobirthing teacher, here’s what I think are your three steps to planning your beautiful caesarean birth.

1. Make it your decision

One of the benefits of being offered a caesarean in advance of labour is that you almost always have time to ask lots of questions and make your decision without undue pressure. Despite this being true, I still hear many women saying things like ‘I had to have a caesarean because…’ when actually, you always have a choice. I know, I know, it sounds a bit pedantic to pick someone up on saying ‘I had to,’ instead of ‘I decided to,’ especially when for many women, their circumstances really do leave them feeling like there really is only one option. But the difference between how it feels making your own decision Vs doing something because you felt you ‘had to,’ is pretty big, and that feeling could stick with you forever. We don’t give birth that often. We remember our birth stories forever, and when we re-tell them, we remember how we felt much more than we remember the precise details of the birth (I know this because I’ve just been gathering stories!). Asking for clarification about the reasons for a caesarean, checking what alternatives there are, and actually taking a few days to make the decision (unless there’s a medical reason to act straight away), rather than agreeing in the moment, may get you to exactly the same decision as simply saying ‘ok,’ but could massively affect how you feel about it on the day and for years afterward. So, even if you think it’s a no-brainer, I urge you to take your time and ask, ask, ask! If you’re at all unsure, then you probably need to get some more information or simply give yourself time to digest what you’ve been told and think it through.

Gemma (who told me her unplanned caesarean birth story in my last blog here) talks about her decision to have an elective caesarean for her second birth:

“The consultant was fab. But this time I was more in control because I knew more! She was honest. She told me a vaginal birth was unlikely. But we had a birthing plan. I didn’t want to labour for hours and hours and end up with a section again. I felt in control and it was my decision to have a section.”

2. Come to terms with your decision

If you’ve been planning a different type of birth and then something arises in your pregnancy that causes you to re-evaluate this, then it can be hard to come to terms with the fact that you need to change your plan. It’s ok to feel disappointed or nervous so take some time to acknowledge these feelings! On my caesarean birth hypnobirthing course, we discuss this and work on re-framing so that you can start to feel really positive about your decision. Using visualisations, relaxations, positive birth affirmations (basically all of the techniques used in the full hypnobirthing course, but tailored to a caesarean birth) we spend time ensuring that you feel positive about your birth so that you can start to look forward to it.

After having a very smooth pregnancy, a couple of weeks before Dhani was due a midwife doing a routine appointment suspected he might be breech. A scan confirmed our fears and the consultants recommended we try to flip him the right way using a technique called ECV. If this was unsuccessful we should then opt for an elective c-section. We used BRAIN to understand the benefits, risks and alternative options. [BRAIN is a decision making tool taught on many antenatal courses, including mine. I’ve added it to the bottom of this blog!]

After a chat with our Doula we put an action plan together to try to flip the baby using natural techniques from a website called “spinning babies”, I also had multiple trips to an osteopath who specialised in pregnancy. After spending the best part of a week hanging upside down on an ironing board plonked against the couch (yes this is a real technique!) another scan confirmed our baby hadn’t budged. At this point we felt it wise to consider the ECV, we’d heard some bad experiences about it from a friend and after reading about its 50% success rate I was reluctant at first. A chat with our Doula gave us a more positive outlook and we also learnt the success rate actually comes down to the experience of the consultant (which when you think about it makes sense). After having a chat with the lovely consultant she put our minds at ease and we went ahead. The breathing and hypnobirthing technique really helped to keep me calm during the procedure and definitely made it a much more positive experience than I was expecting. Unfortunately however our little man wasn’t for budging and was determined to enter the world bum first! We had another chat with our doula who said I’d be able to ask for a transfer to a hospital that specialised in natural breech deliveries but by this point I’d made up my mind. The elective delivery was the safest option for our baby and all my instincts felt this was the right path to go down. After putting so much work into a plan for a natural birth, I was hugely disappointed at first and somehow felt like a failure. But by going through the steps we had and using BRAIN and to guide us I felt in the driving seat and confident and comfortable that we’d explored all options, and ultimately made a decision that felt informed and right for me and my baby.

I had Definitely come to peace with the decision by the time I’d made it, and felt comfortable about it

I did my homework and had a network in place to lean into when I needed it and had tools to dip into along the way.

It’s wonderful to hear Ambrine’s story as it’s clear she explored a range of alternatives and then made the decision that was best for her! She speaks about the birth with such positivity, which is so lovely to hear. I’m so pleased she had the information and tools and techniques to help make her Caesarean birth such a positive one.

3. Explore your caesarean birth choices

Once you’ve made your decision and feel confident that it’s the best way forward for you and your baby, the caesarean birth planning can commence!

I don’t think people are always aware that there are actually loads of things you can stay in control of and choose for yourself when it comes to caesarean births. The term ‘Gentle Caesarean,’ is now quite common, and is sometimes called a ‘baby-friendly,’ caesarean. The idea is that there are a number of things you may choose in order to create a positive birth experience for you and your baby.

Does it really matter how ‘gentle,’ it is? Surely you just get the baby out?

When someone goes into labour and births a baby vaginally without intervention, their body produces loads of the hormone oxytocin. This is really important as it helps mum to bond with baby, helping them to feel calm and adjust to their new world. It also helps mum to produce milk for feeding, and even helps mum to help her baby to regulate their heart rate and temperature. Having a caesarean birth doesn’t mean you and your baby miss out on this! Oxytocin is released when you are feeling calm, happy, safe and loved. Mums and birthing people, whether birthing vaginally or via caesarean, often find that it takes planning and practice to get themselves feeling this way during birth. (That’s kind of what a hypnobirthing course is all about, actually!) So, a big part of planning your gentle caesarean is about considering how you can get yourself feeling calm and relaxed. You could consider things like:

What will you do while you wait for your caesarean?

• Do you want any music playing during the birth?
• How can your birth partner help you if you start to feel anxious?
• What hypnobirthing techniques will I use before and during my caesarean birth?

Then, there are practical birth choices that you can make, such as:

• Do you want the curtain lowered so you can see your baby being born, or not?
• Do you want to be talked through what’s happening, or left to relax and take your mind off it?
• Do you want immediate skin to skin with baby? If so, asking for your gown to be put on backwards and for monitoring pads to be stuck somewhere other than your chest is a good idea.
• Do you want delayed cord clamping? Who will cut the cord?

Hello, baby! Now what?

I would also urge you to spend some time planning for your forth trimester, and especially thinking about what support you will need while you recover from surgery. Perhaps consider:

• How do you feel about visitors?
• Who could help you with various jobs: walking the dog, doing the dishes, cooking…?
• How much time off will your partner have? What will happen after that?
• How can you communicate your needs to those around you (without causing offense! trust me, it’s possible!)

These are just a few of the choices you can make about your caesarean birth. There are lots of things that are within your control. It’s important to talk to your caregivers about them in advance. Many of the choices, such as skin to skin, are probably standard procedure at your hospital, but some things may not be. That doesn’t mean it’s not possible, just that it’s worth talking about in advance so you know exactly what is going to happen and you can start to prepare mentally for your caesarean birth.

I hope that you enjoy planning your beautiful caesarean birth and feel empowered and positive about your birth!

If you’re interested in my Calm Caesarean Birth Hypnobirthing Course, read more about it here.

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